How We Speak

This is an excellent guide for anyone to follow.  The gift of speech is seldom used, which is both a boon and a burden.  Those who prefer digital communication and have neglected the “old ways” will be at a significant disadvantage compared to someone who can master the following steps.  Oracles should work on speaking this way and interacting this way.  So should nurses, bankers, astronauts, and royalty.  If you are a child, then this guide will give you a significant increase in social power and respect.  If you are an adult, the changes are more subtle, but highly effective.

  • Silence.  Always wait for a complete answer.  Make the one giving you information provide it in totality by using expectant silence.  Silence also gives someone the opportunity to speak.  Punctuated silence during a discussion or debate can encourage the listener to internalize your ideas.

 

  • Negotiate in order.  First, declare your argument points catered specifically to the person’s individual needs.  Then after the points can be agreed/disagreed, state your position.  Once your position is stated (pro life, pro choice, democrat, republican) your bias is revealed and your ability to impact the listener is drastically reduced.  This works in hostage situations, negotiating out of an attack, and speaking to captors.  If you want to control the situation, always look for the argument points that are agreed upon.  If you want a happy resolution, you must.

 

  • Respect.  Engaging in trivial insults, anger, and thoughtless speech will get you nowhere.  Respect your opponent in a debate or discussion, even if they have made it demonstrably clear they are evil.  Engage responsibly, and you can perhaps inspire them to avoid evil.

 

  • If you require information, a favor, phrase it in the form of a choice, not a request.  “Do you want to tell me A or B?”  Why not pair it with negotiation?  “We both want to resolve this quickly and discretely.  Would you feel more comfortable telling me A or B?  I’d rather you decide.”  This not only finds common ground, but appeals to the other’s comfort, and submits yourself to their authority on the matter.  Even though they are still doing what you asked, it won’t FEEL that way.

 

 

  • On meeting, make eye contact until they look away first.  On any affirmative statement that you or the other party make, meet eyes until they look away.  If it is your statement they look away on, they will concede.  If it is their statement they look away on, they are subject to revision.  Eye contact is a challenge and a sign of aggressive interest.

 

  • Use their name.  This immediately puts a personal spin on the talks.  If it is a friendly business encounter, using a name is professional and courteous, as long as titles are respected.  If no name is provided (captor), then create one that applies loosely and in good taste.

 

  • Don’t reciprocate anger.  This will only ever escalate the situation.  Anger is an emotional response that is typical when a person feels threatened, annoyed, or is introduced to an idea that disrupts their paradigm.  Their anger typically means they cannot rationalize their actions, environment or thoughts.  This instantly has anyone else at an advantage.  Don’t reciprocate anger.  Ask for their opinion, what they want, and sympathize with their point of view.  Then start negotiating.

 

  • If you act excited to see people, they will mimic that emotion.

 

  • Everything you say will be heard by everyone.  If you talk about people behind their backs, that person will find out.  Always assume this.  Likewise sincerity can be implied if the target hears your thoughts second hand.  This works particularly well with flattery.  Because someone will find out about you talking behind their back, make sure if you want to get on their good side you save the most flattery for when they aren’t there.  Likewise, you can imply flattery to a party in order to resolve a conflict between them an a third party.  “She made it seem like she really respects your opinion.”  This is hollow, easily misconstrued, but will do wonders to diffuse situations.

 

  • Classical Conditioning.  People associate you with how they feel during your interactions collectively.  Thus, if you engage with people readily when they are happy, (on friday afternoon, on their birthday, just after they’ve eaten, after they’ve heard good news…)  Even a brief hello will associate your face and interaction with that feeling.  Likewise, avoid being present when their is a negative influence, unless of course, that negativity can be removed by you.  If there is no positive environment, make one.

 

  • Ask for opinions, thoughts, ideas.  Ask about people’s history and objectives.  Ask them about complaints and critiques.  Ask them about their relationships and connections.  In the endeavor to speak about themselves, most of us will unwittingly volunteer vast amounts of information.

 

  • Carefully analyze how the party you speak with regards or treats others who have no consequential impact on their life.  For example, the well being of a random animal.  The homeless, the destitute.  If they treat them well reflexively, and don’t want recognition, you can be confident that their desire to improve humanity is habitual.

 

  • Speak with conviction.  Do not use fillers such as “umm,” “and then,” “like,” “literally,” “lol,” “I guess,”…  Don’t waste the gift of speech so idly.  If there is something to be said, say it with conviction and purpose.  People will be more inclined to see you in a confident light.

 

  • Providing a reason for a request always yields a better result than asking by itself.  Use the word “because” when asking for a favor  “Can you ____because  ____.”  Asking for help can be strategic.  Not only can you be helped, but it can falsely inflate the ego of someone.

 

  • Sit upright, stand straight, and use body language to your advantage.  Shoulders and feet will always square off/point towards that subjects’ interest.  Hands in your pockets implies insecurity.  Arms cross implies you are being indifferent.  Leaning back implies defensiveness.  If someone likes you, they will always touch the part of their body they are most concerned about you judging.  Looking down and tilting the neck implies submission.  Raising the head implies dominance.

 

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One thought on “How We Speak

  1. Pingback: Strategic Submission | Oracles of the Infinite

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